Die. Die slowly, the way you make my muscles feel.
Oh golly good gracious. Why is it that I decided to embark on this journey with you? What part of me decided it was a good idea to wake up with the sun and do a muscle-killing, tear-inducing, hunger-making workout before I go to my dual jobs and work for 14 hours? Oh, it must have been the skinny-girl, concerned-with-her-health part of me…THAT’S why I didn’t recognize it.
I don’t think I’ve ever said, “Absolutely not” some many times before 7:30 in the morning before the 2 1/2 weeks I’ve been bootcamping with you. Wait, what? I have 5 1/2 more to go? How ever will I do it? I’m only on level 3 of 8?! What else do you have in store for me?!!!!!
OK, I admit it: that was way too many exclamation points.
I don’t know why I did this. I have no idea why I did this. Except that…well, miraculously, I am more lean muscle than before (yes, this is the eloquent way in which I choose to describe this process). My jeans don’t fit anymore—which is both awesome, and a strain on my budget. Well, nothing comes without sacrifice, I suppose, and sometimes the sacrifice is financial.
Oh wait, I’m also sacrificing my time and my comfort. Wah, wah, wah. Now I do things like look forward to running, drink skim milk, and sleep well. What is happening to me? Why is this my life? Am I still a writer, still an artist? You know, we’re not known to make the best decisions about a healthful lifestyle. Is this going to affect my performance? I hope not. Maybe the increased toning and circulatory system will help my ideas get around my body to my head faster. That makes perfect, logical, scientific sense.
Now, about the remainder of this workout: could you take it a little easier on me? Could you not make my want to cry and give up 45 seconds before the workout is over?
No? You can’t? Every second of the next 5 1/2 weeks is going to be painfully intense until I think my muscles are simply going to walk off of my body and spend the day at an all-you-can-eat buffet and day spa? Oh, OK. Oh well, what can I do?
Oh, you say I’d be dropping even more weight if I was eating a little better?
I’m shocked, now that’s something to consider. I’ll get back to you.
Ever Thinnly Yours,